Friday 4 October 2013

Badger Astrology

The alien takes his feet off my coffee table rather reluctantly, I thought.  I mean - who does he think he is?  Travels several thousand light years through space using hypertechnological molecular-phasing parallelisms just to stick his muddy feet all over my wickerwork!  Come on.  There must be a greater purpose here.  But, with the kind of breakdown in communication we're used to seeing in agony advice columns, what can you expect?   Anyway, chatty he or she (or they - because this entity might actually embody a community of beings) is not.  I get a perfunctory glare now and again, but I notice he, she, it or they has not touched the Lavazza.

Then, without warning, the badger reappears.  Unfortunately, transmuted.  It is badger-like, but in a two-dimensional sense.  It's more of a black and white frisbee or a drinks mat: what we call a 'coaster' in the UK.  What could I do?  What is the polite, alien, hands-across-the-galaxies thing to do?  Well, naturally, I put my empty coffee cup down on Mr. Badger.  I'm not happy, but this is a tricky situation.  And, given it's current transformation, it's probably better than the UK government's current policy of shooting anything black-and-white and not called a zebra.

I'm not an unfeeling person.  So I do it with a heavy heart.  Now, my visitor picks up the two-tone drinks mat and scrutinises it sideways.  'Future,' he, she or it says.  'Future.'

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