Tuesday 10 June 2014

Is it a Dragon?

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF THE FREE PROMOTION OF THE REPTILE WARS.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Reptile-Wars-Earth-ebook/dp/B00JPL5SKM/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1402329028&sr=8-2

http://www.amazon.com/The-Reptile-Wars-Earth-ebook/dp/B00JPL5SKM/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1402329028&sr=8-2

Here is an excerpt from this medieval fantasy, ispired by a real historical figures - El Drac, an Arabic warlord, and King James of Aragon.  At this point in the story of The Reptile Wars, something is spotted on the brow of the hill.

Suddenly, something dark blocks the moonlight.  It’s there.  We see something for a split-second, then it’s gone.  Was it on the top of Bartholomew Hill or in the sky?  There’s nothing to see now.  “Tom, did you see that?” I say, scanning the horizon.  Still lapsing into my old ways of thinking, I figure: a paraglider, plane, helicopter, drone?  No, of course not.  Tom’s mouth is open, but he doesn’t answer.
“There it is again,” I say.  Ellyn sees it too.  They all see it.  Like a black sheet being shaken in front of the moon and the sound of a sudden gust of wind.  Then something like a crack of angry thunder.  This is followed by a glow.  An orange glow.  It should be a pleasant, gentle reddening of the sky, but there’s something sinister and wrong about it.  Something unnatural.
Geoffrey can’t stop the tremors taking hold of his body.  “No,” he mutters, crossing himself.  “No.  Oh, please, Lord, protect us.”  He breaks loose from us, steadies himself on the solid trunk of a gnarled tree, and starts to moan before falling to his knees and trying to pray.  Tom’s dog whimpers and cowers beside him.
We stand and watch as the orange-red glow grows deeper and stronger and becomes a blaze of spitting, crackling light.  It breaks out in other places, somewhere behind that hill.  Astryd grabs the man by the shoulders.  “Geoffrey!”  she cries, trying to shake some sense out of him.  “Do you know what’s going on?  What’s happening over there?”  He can’t answer.  His distress and agony are too much.  But Astryd persists.  “You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you!  Didn’t you!”
The night sky itself is turning scarlet.  Deerwood is on fire.
“I wanted you to be safe.  I wanted us all to be safe.  You and Ellyn and Vincent and Tom.”
“But our houses!  The others!  What have you done?”

Ellyn is crying pitifully.  Astryd pulls her close.  But then we all throw ourselves to the ground.  There’s a rush of wind like some kind of cyclone that breaks branches and scatters brushwood everywhere.  The two horses that pulled the wagon buck and panic and flee, turning the whole thing on its side before breaking free.  For out of the smoke and flames comes something black and unidentifiable.  Bigger than any bird but shapeless.  It soars across the brow of the hill, swoops low over our heads, just a wingbeat away, and disappears over the treetops into the night.


Sunday 8 June 2014

Face-to-face with Harald the Merciless

Once Vinny arrives in the medieval village of Deerwood, he is challenged by Harald Ruffsnape, nicknamed The Merciless.

One of the bigger, more aggressive boys steps forward.  “You tell him, Harald!” they all shout.  “Harald Ruffsnape’ll sort you out.”  I have this in-built bully-detector – I don’t like them – and it goes off as soon as they move or open their mouth.  They bring out the worst in me.
“I know how we can tell,” says Harald.  “The red lock.  He ain’t got it and that’ll prove he ain’t a Baalfire.”  With the crowd baying their agreement, he goes to yank at my hood.  I push his hand away.
“Whoa!” I say, holding my nose.  “Body odour!  Ever thought of washing?”  I can see the wheels in Harald’s head whirring around.
“Washing?  That’s what rain’s for.”
I wave my hand in front of my face.  It’s the smell of the pig fat in Harald’s straw-colored hair that is so overpowering.  “You may be a belligerent moron,” I tell him, “and you could do with borrowing a bottle of deodorant, but I like your hair.  You must rub pig fat into your hair every morning, snatch chubby handfuls of it and pull it up into spikes.”  I nod slowly.  ‘Yeh.  Cool.”
While the belligerent moron is working out belligerent moron, deodorant, yeh and cool, I reach over.  “Excuse me, Harald,” I say and remove the hand clutching Astryd.  The old man can’t believe he has just been touched by a cursed demon and he stares at his skin expecting it to start rotting any minute.
“I’d put something on that,” I growl at him, “before it melts.”  I figure this is the moment to pull back my hood to reveal the red streak in the thick of my black hair.  “Vincent of Baalfire.”  The petrified man shakes uncontrollably, but can’t find his voice.  No one else speaks.  They all lose control of their mouths.  For there it is, of course: the unmistakable sign of the Balfour family and, it seems, the Baalfire family.  The red lock of hair. The boy who was lost, the boy who some said was dead, has come back.  Or so they believe.  “Say it!  Repeat after me: Vincent of Baalfire!”  One or two find their voices and mutter the words.
Harald is no longer trying to figure out what I’ve just said to him and whether a belligerent moron is a good thing to be or not.  So he settles for gloating.

“Well, well, miracle boy.  So you got lost and you got found again.  Don’t know where you been for near ‘nough a whole year.  Maybe them wolves ate you up.  Then I reckon they spat you out again ‘cos you tastes like foul, nasty, foul stuff.  And then them twitchy little fairy elves got hold of you and dressed you up like a proper bluebell with twinkletoe shoes, you numkin’.”  Other boys, part of Harald’s gang I suspect, mingling in the crowd, hoot with laughter and point.  But the fun and the fear is fading.  One by one, they disperse, but not before Harald walks straight up to me again.  He looks me straight in the eye.  A challenge.  A provocation.  And thinking this is not the moment to flinch, I stare straight back.  “Huh,” sneers Harald eventually, and he prods me in the chest before he walks away chuckling to himself, “Twinkletoed bluebell.  Hah!”


This is an excerpt from The Reptile Wars, currently being offered as a free promotion on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JPL5SKM

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00JPL5SKM?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

The backstory, explaining how Harald came to be the way he is can be found here:

http://www.amazon.com/Bullying-Harald-Ruffsnape-Reptile-Wars-ebook/dp/B008H4WUV8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402242802&sr=8-1&keywords=the+bullying+of+harald+ruffsnape

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullying-Harald-Ruffsnape-Reptile-Wars-ebook/dp/B008H4WUV8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402242802&sr=8-1&keywords=the+bullying+of+harald+ruffsnape

Medieval Fantasy - a Promise of Death

Vinny's prospects in the 13th century don't look too promising.  Thrown back in time, he is mistaken for the long lost son of Radulph of Baalfire, but not by Radulph himself.


Radulph leans forward.  The inky black facial stubble brushes against my cheek.  I flinch as he comes close to my ear.  “I don’t know who you are.  My wife believes you are our son, miraculously returned to us.  Perhaps the devil gave you some of the likeness  of him.    For  you have  something  of his look.  Had you not, your neck would be broken by now.”  He wrenches the reins out of my hands and turns Zel to trot towards the castle gate.  “The loss of her son has made her mad.”  The horse’s hooves pound across the drawbridge.  “This will be a long campaign.  I’m sure of it.  There will be many battles.  James of Aragon is over-stretched, and his enemy, El Drac – they say he is some sort of demon and can turn himself into a dragon.  Huh!  They say his fortress is protected by hobgoblins and the howling of lost souls.  Whatever they say, I will kill him.  Then, when I come back, I will kill you too.  Whoever you are.”

See below for a link to a free download of the ebook, The Reptile Wars

Saturday 7 June 2014

Stallion and Wardogs

In the following paragraphs from The Reptile Wars Vinny finds out Radulph's terrible secret:


Nearby, one of the wardogs, a heavily-built mastiff, is going berserk.  Probably was born berserk. Its handler, an irritable old farmer, covered in cowshit from the waist down and, I’d say, chickenshit from the waist up, is having trouble controlling it.  I suspect he uses it to keep people off his land, though I’m sure the state of his clothes would do that pretty well.  Suddenly, the animal pulls free.  The poor old wretch of a farmer, rivers of sweat running down his face into his grizzled beard, beats it with his cudgel.  He kicks at it to keep it from mauling him.  As it runs around wildly, Astryd screams and draws back into the crowd.  Right away, the animal is surrounded by a circle completely emptied of people.  It glares at everyone ominously, eyes full of loathing.  For a moment it’s undecided.  Then, without warning, it lunges wildly at the fetlocks of Zel.  When the stallion rears, I’m almost hurled to the ground.
“Easy,” I say.  “Easy.”  As if that’s going to make any difference.
As the hooves come down, they lash out at the mastiff.  Radulph mutters in my ear.  “You are not my son.”  I strain to listen and hold on to the reins and Zel’s mane at the same time.  The wardog persists.  Snapping.  Snarling.  The stallion rears again.  Comes down again kicking furiously.  “My son, Vincent, is dead.”  The growls of the mastiff fire up the savage blood-lust of other wardogs, who add to the frenzied yelping.  “Of this I am sure.  You have fooled my wife.  Impostor.”

A third time, the horse rears up and its hooves come down hard.  This time solidly on the brute’s skull.  “I know this,” says Radulph.  “For I killed him.”  There’s a moment of silence.  The wardog slumps to the ground.  For a few seconds, the hind legs twitch.  Then it lies still.  Forever.  A jagged crack across the skull.  Pink saliva trickles from its mouth.  Blood mingles with the dust.


A copy of The Reptile Wars is currently free to download from Amazon.

Oh dear, Vinny, are you lost in some fantasy world?

In The Reptile Wars, it takes a while for Vinny to figure out what has happened to him.  But he doesn't like what he hears in the confines of Castle Hazard.


The Prince’s face is pale and sharp like chalk cliffs.  His eyes deep, dark slits.  He looks worse than ill.  Possessed?  If you were to ask me – and I admit I’m a latecomer to this party and don’t know a soul, but I’ve been to the movies – I’d say that  the evil that possesses him, controls him, stands right there, beside him, at his shoulder.  It’s got to be obvious to everybody.  Because when he speaks, Phar Lazar tilts his head towards him, the fingers dig deeper, so that the words come out of Prince Ynyr’s mouth, but the thoughts are those of Phar Lazar.
“My lords, my subjects, my friends.”  The Prince has to steady himself before he continues.  “Seek out the enemy of Christendom, the enemy of King James of Aragon and the Pope.  The enemy of us all.  This vile creature’s name is El Drac.  He is one from the northern coast of Africa.  The land of the people they call the Moors.  But he is now a warlord in the land of Aragon.  He does not believe in our God.  He is one who can make the trees uproot and walk.  Make rocks fall from the sky.  With a wave of his hand, he can turn your fields of corn into serpents.  Set these clouds above aflame.  And kill your children with a look.”

The words curl like a 12-bar blues chorus from the mind of Phar Lazar, out from the lips of the Prince, round the stone buttresses of the castle and hook into the crowd gathered below.  “El Drac!  The dragon-devil.  He is the evil one.  A dragon in the false shape of a man.  El Drac!  Find him and destroy him.  Chase him from our lands.  Hound  him back to the very doors of Hell.  Believe this.  He is the son of Hell and back to the fire he must return!”

The Reptile Wars is available as a free download.  Check below for the appropriate link for you.

Dragons and Dilemmas

Right at the beginning of The Reptile Wars, Vinny is faced with a dilemma - to believe the content of his father's letter or not.  Where has monkey gone?  And what about the lizard zoo upstairs?

Ok, the letter.  Let’s open the damn thing.
I’m going to burn it down, Vincent!  Burn down the house.  Burn the whole thing down.  If you’re reading this letter, then it’s too late for me.  So, get out before the whole place goes up in flames.
What?  Well, that’s a good start.
I’m going to burn it down, Vincent!  Burn down the house.
Can you believe this?  It’s some kind of joke, right?  Sad, mad, old pappy must have totally flipped.  Yeh, yeh.  Not worth getting excited about.  Not worth the stupid pizza  and  sliding  ketchup  stain I’ve just made on my hoodie and jeans.  Looks like Dad’s finally found a chair in the crackpot corner.  Well, at least he remembered my name.  That’s something, I suppose.  

The Reptile Wars is free at this moment.  Get it here or see the other links below:

http://www.amazon.com/Reptile-Wars-Earth-ebook/dp/B00JPL5SKM/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1402078845

Excerpt from The Reptile Wars

Here is a taster of the central character, Vinny's, background, his life in the 21st century, before he is hurled back into the 13th century and is caught up in the evil plans of the monk, Phar Lazar, intent on living forever.

Dad’s letter’s here.  Special delivery – address of sender unknown.  Don’t want to open it.  It’s right next to me on the table.  It’s been here for the whole weekend, unopened.  What’s the point?  What will it say?  To Vinny, from Sir Peter Balfour, hello and goodbye, supper’s in the supermarket – that’s him.  Spends most of his time away.  Even more so recently.  Yet somehow he’s always been a strong presence in the house.  Know what I mean?  Like a shadow in a dark corner.  An echo down a long corridor.  Mother?  Died at birth – my birth, not hers, obviously.
From time to time, of course, I can always watch Dad on television if I really want to.  In some distant part of the world, his face filling the screen, his dark piercing eyes, beneath the arching black eyebrows, staring straight over my shoulder.  You can see him on the trail of a near-extinct Amazonian lizard or a fatally poisonous snake that hangs its hat only in Congo swamps.  Arguing on some talk show about the power of the reptilian brain.  You see, although the scientific world thinks he’s a complete and utter nutbar, an out-of-sanity experience, and they’re absolutely right, TV love him.  They’re mad about his crazy ideas.  He’s a joke.  But a rich joke.
You can imagine producers sitting around, having a chat, saying things like, “Shall we get that woman who paints herself pink and yellow stripes, has a tattoo that says This is not the ass I was born with, and plays Ghost Riders in the Sky on an accordion made out of bagels?  Or shall we get Sir Peter in again and get him to repeat all that drivel about how we could all be changing colour, walking up walls, and catching praying mantises with our tongues from a distance of three metres – if we only tried a bit harder?”  No contest.

Check Amazon for a free download.  If you are interested in writing a review, leave me a message and I will email you a free copy.

Friday 6 June 2014

Free Medieval Fantasy Story

If you're quick, you can get The Reptile Wars as a free download.  Here is the elevator pitch:

Rock-guitar playing, fast-food eating Vinny Balfour drives his father's motorbike through a stained-glass window and gatecrashes the 13th century Reptile Wars.

A review is always nice but not essential.  Feedback is already very positive.

http://www.amazon.com/Reptile-Wars-Earth-ebook/dp/B00JPL5SKM/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1402078845

UK - http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Reptile-Wars-Jim-Edmiston/dp/1497594995/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1402078719&sr=8-3&keywords=the+reptile+wars

CA - http://www.amazon.ca/Reptile-Wars-Earth-ebook/dp/B00JPL5SKM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402078787&sr=8-1&keywords=the+reptile+wars

DE - http://www.amazon.de/The-Reptile-Wars-Jim-Edmiston/dp/1497594995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402078845&sr=8-1&keywords=the+reptile+wars